Just Costco Things

You know the feeling: you walk into Costco for paper towels and somehow walk out with 48 pairs of socks, 500 AA batteries, and a mild crisis of identity. We lean all the way into that chaos and ask why Costco hits so different, especially for dads. Somewhere between “I’m here to provide” and “I deserve a little treat,” a quick errand turns into a full process complete with route planning, aisle scanning, and a cart that costs way more than your napkin math predicted.

We trade the real stories that make Costco a culture: the heartbreak of discontinued favorites, the moment you realize you might need a chest freezer, and the return counter confessions that feel like you’re on trial even though Costco usually just says, “Yep, we’ll take it back.” Then we zoom out into the fun facts and hacks, from Kirkland Signature’s roots to the mind-bending reality of diamond rings in the $100,000 to $300,000 range. Yes, we also talk about the cheapest item, the food court legends, and why that $1.50 hot dog combo refuses to bow to inflation.

Things get spicy with hot takes on parking lot “leadership,” cart psychology, and a surprisingly practical angle: Costco can make healthy eating and meal prep easier than people think. We also share a points strategy using shop cards that genuinely surprises a credit card expert, plus the weird world of precious metals at Costco.

If you laughed, learned, or felt personally attacked by cart shock, subscribe, share this with your favorite Costco co-pilot, and leave a review so more people find the show. Then jump into our Discord and tell us: what’s your most unhinged return story or your favorite forbidden food court combo?

Transcript

Walking In For Paper Towels

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I walked into Costco for paper towels. I walked out with a kayak, 48 pack of socks, and 500 Duracell AA batteries, and a genuine crisis of identity.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

It's becoming nearly impossible to step into Costco and spend less than $400.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

And like, you gotta have a plan. Like, like for me, I have to assess what day is it, what time is it, how busy is it gonna be, how long is my list? Do I have time to like endeavor this? I love Costco. It's not a five-minute trip, it's an entire process.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

It is a commitment, and you better be ready for it. Welcome to the Dad Squad episode on just Costco Things. Today we are talking about everyone's favorite place to go. For some of us, it is a challenge. For some of us, it is legitimately date night. For others, it is why we are going for that promotion, because it turns out interest rates are up and uh that Costco Visa card, it hits. So, to that end, let's talk about all things Costco.

Provider Mode Meets Treasure Hunt

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Let's open with this one, guys. Costco hits different for dads. Here's why when we go into Costco, we get to step out of just provider mode and get to do provider plus fun, plus our own sort of discovery. And I don't I don't just mean buying golf pants, I also mean other things. But what do you guys think of that?

SPEAKER_03 1:27

True, untrue? Yes and no. You know, I mean, with my wife, like her name's Jen. Sometimes I call her the general, you know, I get a list from the general. It's like, hey, like, and she knows me. If there's beverages on sale, sparkling water, flavored water, like I come home with like 85 cans that we don't have space to put it in. So sometimes it's like, hey, here's the list. We need to stick to it. Let's go. Other times, if I'm able to kind of uh, you know, kind of be a little more freelance, ooh, watch out. It's fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Here's what I love about going into Costco. Every time you walk in, there's something new, right? Most grocery stores, you're getting the same thing every single time you go in. At Costco, there's different items, there's different items on sale. And so when I walk in, I want to go through every single aisle. I'm scanning every deal. I'm scanning what new products they've launched. Whereas my wife, Chloe, she has a list and she's like, we are getting these seven things and we're leaving. And I'm totally the opposite. I'm like, well, what about those new golf balls they just brought in?

SPEAKER_03 2:26

I have to get some of those. But Jordan, it's a double-edged sword. Like, for example, they brought in some new mochi pancakes that were amazing. Like, my son loves them. And then guess what? They're gone. And like I'm trying to find them anywhere. And um, yeah, it's it's the double-edged sword where they do kind of rotate stuff, but there's some, there's some there's always fun stuff. And I've I've recently, and again, this is showing my age and showing the level of, you know, I don't give a f. I wear Costco shorts, I wear Costco sweatshirts, and I love them and they're cheap. And the bad thing is, is when I want to go back and get from get more, they're gone. So, Costco, let me buy these things online. Can you have some old kind of labels and old versions? Like, I want to get these shorts back.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

High quality stuff, man. And I don't know if you saw that image going around the internet, but Tim Cook was just spotted wearing a blue button-down Costco shirt. No one tells Timmy. Like, that is amazing.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

He's coming up on retirement and he is gunning it to the finish line. He is not fooling around. He is he is ready to get on that golf

When Costco Kills Your Favorite Item

SPEAKER_01 3:27

course. You know, Jeff, I uh what you're saying with the disappearing good stuff is so true. We ended up buying a chest freezer for our garage because so often we would go through exactly what you just just described, and especially with little ones, they're they don't want to hear about supply and demand and ordering trends and algorithmic decisions with no. They're like, I wanted those mochi pancakes, and we're gonna have a real problem here, dad, if those don't show up in the next five minutes.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

So John, I'm surprised your your kids don't understand all of that at this age.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Uh I actually just wrote read some words that were typed here. Did I say it right? Algorithmic. I just want to check.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

Yeah, um I'm I'm sure they know both macro and microeconomics at this at this age. They're uh they're getting the supply chain rundown. By the way, John's brilliant. Uh but I do want to give you some real-world like impacts of this. My son Lucas has a very particular palate. He he eats like a bodybuilder. So the same thing for breakfast every day, then a different menu item for lunch, but he eats the same thing for lunch every day, then the same thing for dinner. Breakfast was this breakfast sausage from Costco. And we'd buy it obviously these huge things, we'd take it out, we'd free some of it. Costco stopped selling it. So we had to, I had to call Costco and find out what brand it was. Then I had to track it down. And fortunately, Safeway, our local grocery store has it. But like when we're getting low, like my wife's like, hey, you need to go on a sausage hunt. She literally calls it a sausage hunt because he we tried every other sausage, he won't eat it. So it's um that stuff has real world impacts of just kind of pulling the rug at it from underneath us.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

But fortunately, we found a solution. And give Costco credit where credit is due. I feel like they do a phenomenal job of vetting companies and brands and products before putting it on the shelves. Every time there's a new product, I'm very open to trying it because I have that confidence in the back of my mind, like this is going to be high quality. And most of the time it is.

Return Line Confessions And Legends

SPEAKER_01 5:22

And even if it's not, you can return it. And so they have that sort of pressure to like this, these things better be great. I was in line the other day and I watched somebody returning Kiwis, which I wasn't aware that was something a person could do. But he was returning a bag of Kiwis, which was stunning to me. But it is a perfect opportunity for us to tell our own return stories, like which let's get out, like this is half confession, half story time, because we've all seen that person rolling up with the uh, you know, the bald tires to the return line at Costco. Uh, I don't know how many of us have actually done that. But uh how how about how about you guys? Any uh any particularly nefarious returns on your customer history at Costco?

SPEAKER_00 6:01

I do have one. Growing up, we had a boat, and it was my favorite thing to do on the weekends was go out to the lake with my dad and family, and we'd go wakeboarding, we'd go wake surfing and tubing, and we bought this beautiful brand new tube from Costco, and we wore that thing down, man, for two, three years. We had that thing out on the lake, and finally it met its match, and one day there was a hole in it, and air started coming out and it popped. And I wanted another tube. And so my dad was like, Well, if you want, you can return the tube. And I'm in high school at this point, I'm like 16 or 17 years old. And we had to tried to come up with an elaborate story in my mind, and and then I settled on the fact I was like, you know what? I just have to be honest. And if they take it back, they take it back. If they don't, they don't. And so I just told him, I was like, look, we've had this old tube for a while. It doesn't work at all. There's a hole in it, but is there a way I can take it back? And the Costco customer service rep was like, yeah, of course. Go get a new one. Of course.

SPEAKER_03 7:05

But it's so true because like you think about everybody knows you can return everything and anything to Costco, but it doesn't make like your trepidation or like my nervousness when my wife gives me, hey, I need you to return these to Costco. And then I look at the receipt, and it was like nine months ago, and they're beans or something. And it's like, do I need to have a story? But guess what? I always do. I kind of go, hey, I'm not sure, I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with these. My wife sent me here with the receipt, and I just give it to them and I kind of smile. And like I'm just crossing my fingers. And like it's one of these things when I get the receipt back that shows the return, I take a picture and send it to my wife. I'm like, yes, accomplished. But it is nervous. It's like, can you really return stuff to Costco? I think the answer is mostly yes. Picturing you, Jeff, with like holding up your your Costco receipt like a fish that you have caught, and you're like, like, I'm telling you, these are the things that like these like hey, these are the things that you know, some different things turn on your wife's like doing these things for for Jen, oh man, like you would have thought I took her out to the nicest dinner, like, oh my gosh, yes, return. So, hey, you got to figure out what makes your your wife get excited and save money at the same time. And if you can do both those things, you might be a good husband.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

I will say, I love walking past the customer service desk on my way out and just listening for the stories of people who are returning things and the elaborate stories that they have come up with on their own. And most of the time, the Costco workers just don't care.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

They're like, Yeah, we'll take it back. Cool, cool story, bro. It makes me want to just now from now on, whenever walking out, like is you're preparing your receipt that you pray you haven't somehow lost in the 30 feet from the checkout stand to the door, which has happened. It makes me want to just walk past the checkout line and look for the worst return and just make eye contact with the person doing it. Just go, you man, you man. I see you. Get it. I see you.

Cart Shock And Date Night Games

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Here's one. I wonder have you ever had this experience? You're you're going through Costco, you have a list, you've done some triangulation on what it's going to cost, maybe, maybe on maybe a little bit of napkin math. But halfway through you stop and you look at it and you think to yourself, okay, I've got, you know, some berries, I've got uh maybe a keyboard, I've I've got some meat, so on and so forth. And it looks like like about $250 worth of stuff. And then you get to the check stand and it was like $700 worth of stuff. Have you ever had that experience of just like cart shock?

SPEAKER_03 9:21

Well, and especially like I'm a numbers guy. I just like like if I if I'm stepping upstairs, I'm counting them in my head. So I'm always thinking in numbers. So I'm always guessing, ah, I think this is gonna be $382. You know, it's not like I'm tallying it up as I go, but I'm just ballparking. And when it's like, if I'm off by like 30%, I'm like, what is going on? Either I bought something I shouldn't have or prices are going up. And obviously, I I think we're all experiencing that, but it's um it's just it's uh you know, I kind of feel like I lost in my tally. And also like, oh man, this is a lot more than I thought.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

How about you, Jordan? Yeah, I feel like it happens every time. I'm always way off. Chloe and I like to guess, and and I'm never right. There's just there's when I'm scanning up and down the aisles, I'm like, do I need that 36 pack of paper towels today? We I just got one last week, but hey, why not? You know, I just end up getting too much.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

Kelly and I will sometimes play the price is right, and whoever gets the closest to the number without going over, the other person makes dinner that night. Using the ingredients from that shop, usually. It's a lot of fun. We should play the theme song next time we're at the check stand. Give those folks some.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

John, like that's like the perfect Costco date day slash date night. Like, because like like Jen and I go to Costco, like nights and weekends are busy for us with the kids. And so if we want to spend some time together, like I almost missed this podcast today, I almost forgot because we had uh she had to drop me off to my car, and then we're like, hey, like, do you want to go to Costco? Like, no joke. And then I'm like, I have to record a podcast today. But I was looking forward to our little date. We go there, we get stuff. She has to get some stuff for her work, so we get these big giant orders, and it's just a lot of time for us to talk. Your little thing about not going over, like guessing without going over, has to cook dinner. You're just extending the Costco date night. I love that. I'm gonna have to do that for sure.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

We do a circle back. We can see each of us, we can keep score. See how it goes. That would be sweet.

Kirkland Truths And Wild Costco Trivia

SPEAKER_01 11:14

You know, speaking of uh cool stuff that happens at Costco, we've got some fun facts about Costco to pepper into our podcast today. One of them is there's an urban myth, or is it, that many Costco products are actually the same exact thing as the private label brands or the big name brands that you would see right next to them on the shelves. And we have found conclusive evidence that this is in fact true. Costco negotiates for volume purchasing. And it looks like this may have started with their famous shampoo, which is probably in everybody's shower listening to this around the world, I'm sure. And now extends out to nearly every part of the business, from water to even in some cases meats, and certainly in their frozen vegetables, which is incredible. So good on you, Costco. Way to way to negotiate for the little guy here.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

And what I'll add, what I think is cool, is obviously it's the Kirkland brand. But like, do you know why it's named Kirkland? I have no idea. It's because you know, it's based out of Seattle, Washington, but the city where it was founded was Kirkland. You know, so like I kind of love that they're paying homage to their roots. Like, I just think that's like super simple but super cool way to kind of go, nope, this is who we are. This is us, this is our brand.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

That is awesome. You know, we were talking about the uh the kind of dads that we become, right, when we go in there or maybe are around Costco. It seems like there's some archetypes here, right? Like Jeff the the counter, Gordon, the the journeyer. I find myself somewhere in the middle. I find myself as the the the maybe casual optimizer. Like I'm always curious to see, you know, could could we shave a little bit of time off? Because you know, with a three-year-old, right around that last turn of the aisle, it's snack time and or tired time. So that last five minutes can be a real make or break for us. So this is not just because I I don't want to leave Costco. Let's be perfectly frank. I would live in Costco if I could, which by the way, they are building apartments on top of a couple of their stores. So we're gonna know that.

SPEAKER_03 13:22

This is gonna sound super creepy, but I would love to be in the security room watching the CCT, CCTV of you shopping at Costco in your casual optimizing. I think your casual optimizing is like super optimizing for most people. Like that would be really fun to watch, especially 12.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Yes. What's wrong with that guy? Is he just staring at the he's been staring at the wall for four minutes, for four physical minutes. What's wrong with that?

SPEAKER_03 13:47

Like, why is this drone following me? Because we'll have a drone on you, too. Like that, I honestly I might have to do some recon here and do some undercover Costco, Costco watching of my friend John here.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

I can just picture John straight to the berry section. The kids are like, Daddy, what about the sweet potatoes? That's not on our way, that's on the way out. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Those blueberries aren't gonna save themselves. I I have to say, this morning we were making breakfast and we're making eggs, and we are down to like five of our brown organic eggs left. And I felt a true spark of joy because it meant that tomorrow, which is Saturday, is now going to be Costco Day because the eggs are the ultimate, the ultimate.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

So so that's a good question then to ask next is do you guys how do you feel about going on the weekends and during peak busy hours? Because it's different than going on a weekday at noon.

SPEAKER_03 14:39

I don't know if you saw my response when John said he's excited to go to Costco on Saturday, but that is not my idea of excitement. That's like that's like if it's required. Like if I have to go, I will. But no, weekday during the day. I know a lot of people can't afford to don't have the kind of freedom to do that, but if you can, weekday during the day, so calm.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Important to qualify, not to brag, but we are executive members, so kind of an hour early. But that does mean you can get in at nine o'clock. And that nine o'clock, ten o'clock hour in Costco is possibly the most beautiful thing that has ever happened uh in humanity. Uh it's really, truly wonderful.

SPEAKER_03 15:19

It's kind of like VIP access to a concert, you know? Like easier to get into the restrooms, better food. Like get in in there an hour early, especially when you know the stocks or the shelves are fully stocked. It's like, I hear you. But still, to go on a Saturday, it's like Jordan when he goes to any hotel ever.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Just VIP concierge right away. I will say, I've driven by Costco at around 8:30 some days, and I've seen people waiting in line to get in at nine. Is that normal, John?

SPEAKER_01 15:47

It is not, in my experience, unless there is a Pokemon card. There is a there's a whole culture around Pokemon cards at Costco where they'll have these uh elite trainer boxes or ETBs, and they limit it to two two per person because basically you'll buy them for 50 and then people turn around and sell them on Facebook Marketplace for 150 within the same minute. So it's basically like free money for scalpers. But you were probably observing a wild, wild Pokemon shopping line appeared.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

So here's a good question for you guys, then trivia question. What do you think the most expensive item is at Costco? That's that's like sold there routinely, or is this like a seasonal like ever or right now? It's it's not at every location, I'll say that. And I don't believe they're always in stock. Caskets, so it's something that's plural. That's a good one. It's not caskets. I'll give you the price point. Prices ranging from $100,000 to $300,000. I'm gonna say prefab homes. Oof, that's a good guess, but not correct. Um, high-end electric vehicle like a lucid. Also a great guess, but even more expensive. Diamond rings, very specific diamond rings that they have in stock at specific locations that range from $100,000 to $300,000. Wow. That is impressive. I was not expecting that.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Well, Costco, uh, if you decide to be a brand partner for us, we would love to represent your diamond ring collection here on the Dad Squad cast.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

So absolutely. And this is a fun one. While we're at it, what do you think the cheapest item is sold at Costco? You guys should be able to get this one. Is it the hot dog? It's gotta be the hot dog. Jeff, what's your guess?

SPEAKER_03 17:24

I mean, what's less than a hot dog?

SPEAKER_00 17:26

The bottled water, it's a quarter. Oh, my Claude is incorrect. My Claude has it as the hot dog at $1.50, but Jeff is correct. They do sell water bottles for a quarter. In the vending machine, that's it. In the vending machine.

SPEAKER_03 17:40

Hey, Costco, I love you. I you know, um Kirkland slave it. Man. Um, one thing that I will give uh Costco a ton of credit for is you think back to the pandemic. Remember when the toilet paper shortage crisis happened? Somehow Costco's able to manage, they just know how to manage chaos. Like like being a kind of a wartime, you know, company or wartime employee. I don't know how they did it, but even going there in 2020, 2021 and the toilet paper crisis, like they made sure they did the best they could. And it was more pleasant than any other store I went to during that time. Seriously.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Yeah, they were like a refuge during that time. Two more uh two fun facts about Costco to throw into pepper in here. Gold and silver and sometimes platinum have become some of the most sought-after items sold in Costco's to date. As it turns out, sometimes they won't adjust the spot price of those precious metals until the back half of the day. So if something spikes by five to even ten percent in the morning, someone could be buying basically at a 10% discount, which is pretty cool. So there's a whole occult following on Reddit where they help each other find where they're selling and they they do limit number of purchases.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

So and I actually read this morning, John, that two years ago the gold bars that Costco sold were priced at $25.99. That same gold bar today is worth about $5,000. So not a bad return.

SPEAKER_03 19:05

Not a bad reason. And John, like what you're discussing, that's like I never thought you'd have precious metal arbitrage trading at Costco.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Right. Alongside cheese balls. Yeah. You want pita chips or you want arbitrage? Which one?

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Yeah, well, I'm I'm going to Costco to do some arbitrage trading, honey. What's some flaming hot Cheetos as well?

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Corner the precious metals market, sweetie. No big deal. Bring it, bring you home a chicken bake. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

I mean, uh there has to be somebody who's doing this. Like, please, in the comments, let us know. Give us your take. I want to hear how you've been arbitrage trading at Costco on precious metals.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Well, that takes us to our second fun fact, which is related, and that is that with the Costco Visa card, you actually still get your cash back on those gold, silver, and platinum purchases. So there is a big hack, but there's even more to it. The rabbit hole, my friends, it does get deeper. The shop card. I'm on the edge of my seat. So the shop card is the big hack. And I gotta give this one to my wife. She discovered this, and now I didn't realize this was such a like a thing. But the thing is, shop cards, you can buy those with credit cards that give you 5x points that you could not otherwise use at Costco. So you get 5x points, and then you use those shop cards, and there you go. You get a huge big max ROI. That's a great pro tip, but it's nowhere near as good as the kind of knowledge that you will get following counting countries on Instagram, TikTok, where you can learn so much more about the points game.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Well, here's the thing: I'm in this space, as you said. I talk about credit cards every single day. I know every credit card, like the back of my hand, what the best things are to purchase with them to get the most points per dollar, how to redeem those points for free luxury travel. And you still just blew my mind. This is something I have never even thought of or considered. And so, man, kudos to you and your wife. That's fantastic. Look at that. The student educating the teacher.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Let's celebrate by going and buying some uh some silver bars. What do you think? Costco, we would love to represent your silver bars here on the Dad's one.

SPEAKER_03 21:10

You know, you know what would be a lot of fun in a future episode is we all throw in some medical glasses, we get a list, and you know, we kind of we go for it, see it gets gets there quickest, um, gets the best kind of one or two alternative items, and we get graded by the fans. Like I'm like, I would love to compete. It's kind of like shop. Remember shop till you drop?

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Yes. Put a 3D camera on the hat and just get after it.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

Maybe, yeah. Maybe even we throw in those backpacks and do some live streaming while we're doing it. That would be a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

That would be amazing. I like that. Yeah, okay. Folks, if that's something you want to see, drop it in the comments. Head over to the Discord, let us know in the squad chat over there. We can do that. We can make that happen. All right, that takes us into the back nine of our time here today.

Parking Lot Leadership And Healthy Hacks

SPEAKER_01 21:56

And we all know what that means. It's time for hot. Dads. Hot take. Happy to lead in on this one. Here is my hot take for Costco. Here's the thing, dads. If you can't navigate a Costco parking lot on a Saturday morning between the hours of 10 and noon, you are not ready for leadership. Sorry. Them's the brakes, kid.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

That's pretty wise. That will test your patience. That will test your relationship with your spouse looking for a parking spot. That will, yep, that tells you a lot about a person. I like that. You're behind the wheel, you miss that parking spot. Counseling.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

So, John, I mean, when you go in as your kind of uh, you know, your casual optimizer, are you looking for the closest available, or do you have a spot where you want to go in general? Like, I'd love to hear your take on parking spots.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

My take on parking spots is far and clear. So way out and back. Like I'm in employee parking. Like people are looking at me wondering if I'm just gonna bring in some carts because I'm about to start my shift. Because here's the thing there's a whole lot of kids in those parking lots, and I am not trying to get those door dings. And I'm not trying to get chased around while I'm just trying to put my groceries in. So we're out and back, we're taking our time, and we're just we're just hanging. Because the other piece is those spots are always there, and I'm not gonna spend five minutes circling instead of two minutes walking. Great point.

SPEAKER_03 23:19

Like that's a lesson I learned kind of early in life is like, why waste the time? And it's okay to walk 60 extra feet. So yeah, I'm with you. Like, I kind of have my road that I like to park in, my way to get there. Yeah, if I see one, great, I'll take it, but I'm okay going as far back as possible. Yes, a little, a little adventure, you know, a little exercise. Jeff, what's your hot take? My hot take, you know, I I'm gonna I'm gonna put myself in John's shoes and I'm gonna go to Costco on a Saturday. I know I don't like to, but I am. On a Saturday, show me your cart and I'll show you your future. I know you've heard the old adage, show me your friends, I'll show you your future. But like I mean it. Like, walk through any Costco on a Saturday. I can tell you just from the cart who's dialed in at home and who has like had two horrible weeks and is about to melt down. And it's um, you know, I hate to say it, it's kind of the the the tri. So, like, uh, you know, where's your produce? Is it at the bottom? Is it underneath your bread? Is stuff melting because you got it first? Like, are you structured, organized? Do you have a plan? So show me your cart and I'll show you your future. Cart Stradamas over here. Read reading futures, like reading palms. I would actually call me Coskodamus. By the way, no Stradamas, I did a did a book report on him in high school. Wow, that was that was a fun little rabbit hole to go down.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Jeff, what are some of the items that you would see in a cart that you would say, oh, that person is having a tough week?

SPEAKER_03 24:39

I mean, I I think if you have more than one giant extra large bag of Doritos, Fritos, flaming hot Cheetos, if you have more than one, I'll give one a pass. But more than one, we got to rethink some things. So you've you've had a bad week. You're you're looking forward to the games on the weekend and then next weekend. One's enough. Or if again, if you have ice cream sandwiches on the bottom of your cart, that means you went to them first. That means you're not thinking through this clearly. This thing's melting. Well, just, you know, again, this is a little judgy wudgy, but you know, I think uh it might be directionally accurate. Priorities.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

That actually leads perfectly into my hot take. Because I'm really big into health and nutrition and fitness. And my hot take is that with Costco existing, there's no excuse to not be eating healthy, to not have a meal plan, and to not hit your goals of what you want to eat in a day. Here's why. The number one thing I hear from people is that they don't have time to cook, right? And so they end up going out and eating something else. Well, Costco has made it so easy to meal prep and to have quick meals that are healthy and nutritious available so quickly. My favorite one is the pack of precooked chicken, and then they have bibigo rice bowls that you throw into the microwave for 90 seconds. So you heat up the chicken, you heat up some peas or frozen vegetables, rice, put a little sauce on top, and you have a healthy, nutritious meal in less than five minutes. And I eat that every single day for lunch. I do the same with ground beef. I have some some of their other rotisserie chicken that I like. And so they make it so easy to hit the macros that you want to hit, eat the right foods that you want to eat, which actually leads perfectly into one of the tools that we are providing for this episode. John, if you'd like to share.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

Yes, the skill of the week. We're actually gonna be dropping two. One is called the Costco Trip Commander, which allows you to select, and this is all you're gonna you're gonna feel like you're a Navy SEAL invading a Costco here, and that's the energy we're going for. So it's gonna ask you about how many junior operators you're bringing with you, kids. Whether or not you have a co-pilot, spouse, your target items, what kind of sale things you're looking for, and it's gonna ask you which warehouse you're going to, and it's gonna actually map your casually optimized route for you while identifying hot spots to keep the kids away from, namely the toys, candy, and uh the large stuffies that are always there.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

John, this is like your dream come true.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

I mean, it yeah, technically it is Claude's Claude's dream of whatever we were talking about coming to life. The second one is inspired by Jordan, and it is in fact a meal planning tool that will let you see not only what you want to buy, but also what's on sale at Costco, so you can optimize your spend. And it does, in fact, use an API call, so it is sensitive to what's going on right now. It will look at Costco's website and it will give you an actual search of what you should target buying today if you want to eat healthy. That actually brings us to our very last fun fact about Costco of the day. Did you guys know that Costco is by leaps and bounds, some measure by text, the largest seller of organic produce in the United States? Whoa. I would not have guessed that. Right? Like I would have guessed Cisco or like some other sort of food systems. Nope, it is Costco, and it's mostly blackberries that we're buying in my house that are driving that.

SPEAKER_00 27:59

And the four boxes of strawberries in my house each week. Well, we got pears, apples, and avocados. And for those, yes, avocado is a fruit. Again, we we have to sorry, last thing, we have to give Costco credit for the things that they do well. Not only selling, you know, the most amount of produce in the United States, but also never raising the prices on the rotisserie chicken on the food court items. How many of us here, I'll raise my hand, would continue to buy the rotisserie chicken if they increased the price to $6.99 or $7.99, $8.99. I think most of us would still buy it, right? But they have not increased that price. They did not increase the price of the $1.50 hot dog in soda. So most companies, you know, maximize for profits, and Costco has said we want that to be something that stays affordable for everybody. So I just think that's really cool. Good on you, Costco.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

While we're at kind of singing praises for Costco, like one thing we didn't touch on is the people, you know, I don't care where you go in to Costco, they're they're workers, their employees are always willing to help. So it's, hey, you know where this is? It's not just gonna go, they don't just point, they take you there. These people are always working. Like, I've never been to a Costco where the checkout lines aren't super busy. They're on to the next one, but they're efficient, they're pleasant, they're smiley. So I think it's gotta be a testament to Costco's gotta take care of their employees. But these employees work hard, trained well, and like look out for us who are on a mission while we're there. And it's uh it's just refreshing because it's just that there's only a few brands like that that are kind of more service-oriented or food-oriented where I can I can count on one hand where I have a good experience almost every time with the employees.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

Well, Jeff, you just unlocked a bonus fun fact, and that is did you guys know that Costco exclusively promotes from within, apart from a very small handful of specialized folks who work at headquarters? Meaning, if you see somebody who is managing a Costco or even just managing the front end, that person started by pushing carts, decorating a cake, or moving pallets. Wow. So they get it. So they they understand what everybody who's doing those things is going through. Their thesis is that makes them better leaders. And I think that their results that they post every single quarter very much validates them.

SPEAKER_03 30:15

That's awesome. Any more fun facts? I love this. I'm learning so much.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

All right, bonus fun fact number two. We kind of alluded to this, and I'm sure most people could guess this, but the scale of this one might be what surprises folks. The $1.50 hot dog and the rotisserie chicken are loss leaders. And for anyone who might not be coming from a business background, what that means is they sell it at a loss, meaning it costs them more to make it, give it to you than the money that they collect from you for it. They are estimated to lose 150 to 175 million dollars a year on the rotisserie chickens. And some fraction of that on the hot dogs, some something closer to 20 or 30 million. But we're edging up on 200-ish million dollars of what is basically the best marketing in the world. So that's that's what they're eating so that we can get those delicious, tasty rotisserie chickens.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

That's what they're eating so we can eat. John, do you know? I'd be curious to know the number of rotisserie chickens sold per year. Because I'm curious, even if they increase that price by 50 cents or a dollar, would they break even on that? Let's find out.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

Here goes a second brain. These numbers are gonna blow you away. 157.4 million rotisserie chickens were sold in fiscal 2025. This is the equivalent to 13.1 million per month, 131,000 per day, and that's across their 914 warehouses around the world, which is just bananas.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

But so that's true then. If they raised the price of the chickens by one dollar, they'd break even and they'd save 150 million dollars, and they have not done that. And so that's respect for me.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

Totally, and just how tempting that would be, because to your point, Jordan, like, yeah, but it goes from five to six, how much attrition are you really gonna have? Crazy. That is that's awesome. I mean, John, you teased us with this kind of regional flavor in the food court, but it's also in the the the items,

Global Food Courts And Forbidden Recipes

SPEAKER_03 32:10

too. You know, where I live, it has a really strong and heavy kind of Asian population. So we get some amazing Japanese, Korean, Chinese um foods that like I don't see when I'm in the Midwest. So it's just so many samples up there. Yeah, they they cater to the population, which is just another brilliant Costco, uh, Costco move.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Well, let's get into it, guys. Let's talk about some of the regional food court items that you're gonna find. All right, our friends up in Canada, America's Top Hat. Here's what you got. No chicken bake or no churro, but you will find chicken wings, chicken Caesar salad, which does actually exist here in Boston, French fries, and poutine. Poutine.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

No, you got it, Jordan News! Oh my gosh. I'm gonna go up to Canada just for that.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

Uh, it looks like there was a short run of hamburgers in California. I never saw a hamburger in California.

SPEAKER_03 33:01

Either of you. It doesn't ring a bell. We get pizza there sometimes, but uh, that's pretty much all I get from the food court pizza. Which is, by the way, it's enormous and it's $9.99. Crazy.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

That pizza, I feel like the pizza does not get enough love. Like it is so good.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

And if you want to make it even better, you take it home and put it back in the oven for like 10 minutes at like 180 degrees. Just gets a little crispier. It's good. John, I've got to be a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

In my research, I stumbled upon something called the forbidden hot dog. And apparently, what you do, there's there's a few forbidden foods, apparently, at Costco. You take a chicken bake, you crack it lengthwise, so it kind of like pops open like an envelope, you insert the dog, the dog, and then that is now your bun. And then you're immediately going to go ahead and take a three-hour nap. That's how it works.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

We can we can do a chicken bake dog eating contest after our Costco contest.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Absolutely. Okay, John, I've heard the Costco's in Japan have some really good menu items. You see anything there?

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Number one on the list for Japan, Costco, Japan, is clam chowder. Ooh. Which sitting here in Boston and not seeing that on the menu at our Costco, I'm a bit perplexed. Costco?

SPEAKER_00 34:08

And Bay Area for you, Jeff.

SPEAKER_03 34:09

No clam chowder up there either. I don't think so. Uh I would love to go to Costco in another country. Like that, that sounds like a lot of fun. I mean, even going to the Costco in Hawaii, which I don't know if you've ever been to Costco in Hawaii, it's a different experience and great. I need to go to Costco. If I'm going to Japan, I'm going to Costco. Hey, Jordan, you have to do the research for us. You go to countries all the time. I will. I'm on.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

Our international Costco correspondent, Jordan.

SPEAKER_03 34:34

I will take on that role happily. He's got his earpiece in his microphone. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

Coming to you live from Costco, Taiwan, where I am looking at mango shaved ice. Confirmed reports now of mango shaved ice. Love that. And chicken tenders in Canada as well. And apparently there's a huge cult following for the meat pies, the Costco meat pies in Australia. I can get on board for that. Doesn't say anything about whether or not it's full of deadly spiders or snakes, but it is Australia, so maybe. That just comes on the side. Yeah. Well, you know what though? I I I take back my flippant remarks about Costco's northeastern offerings. There is something called a sausage and pepper sandwich here in uh in Boston that is like a fairly, fairly known, and I've yet to get it, but I see people eating it every single time we go through.

SPEAKER_03 35:23

And here's the thing with their food court is they don't like mean I've obviously had the hot dog, I had the pizza, but they don't put anything out that isn't like good, like good tasting. So it's like, yes, I would of course try the sausage and the peppers or the clam chowder. Like, I kind of feel like I need I I'm just I have this really strong poll to go into Costco's in different cities now. John, I hate you. Why'd you do this? I'm hungry now. I am starving. Like, I literally might go to Costco right after this. See you guys later.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

On this call, he's gonna get up. That's your new Instagram channel, Jeff. Is just you going to Costco's around the world and just eating their various their various offerings. I would watch. I'm already subscribed. Like and subscribe and follow. Well, folks, we hope that you've enjoyed this Costco episode. This has been just Costco Things. Here's our challenge to you jump into the Discord chat and share your most unhinged return story or your favorite thing at the food court, or, and this is the big one, your favorite forbidden food court recipe. What is the thing that you are proud to eat, but hope that no one that you know sees you doing it?

SPEAKER_03 36:20

I am I'm a happy man. I am thinking of all the things I can do.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Please uh keep your receipts to be checked at the door and uh see y'all next week. See you later.